I read a lot of baby loss and other heartwrenching mommy and unable to be mommy blogs. They tear my heart. I'm not sure exactly why I read them- I fell into the first one and then branched out the way you do on blogs and have been sucked in to following their stories. I have a friend who is similar to myself and we have come to the conclusion that we read because these women live through our worst nightmares and are able to still live and be strong and maybe we just need to know that it can be done. And I don't know maybe it keeps me closer to my fears- lets me not lose track of how incredibly lucky I am to have what I have and not take that for granted because it can be gone in an instant. I really don't know...I read them... I don't know why...but I do and I'm sure I will continue to do so.
I am saying this because I was an anonymous follower on many of the sites until I found that by logging in I could see who had updates and not go hit every blog on my favorites bar. I never intended to blog. But then I see how many women document their lives here and I envy that. I wish I was better about writing down dates and neat stories (I do take a zillion pictures though) especially for my boys. So I thought that if I had this space here- where I already go to read- that maybe I would start to write too while I was here.
Anyways I started this post to explain why I am writing and doing what I am- mostly in case any of the ladies I follow comes across me as a follower and is like WTH! Why is this person picky with their gender when I have so many much more real relevant problems. And I would totally agree with you there.
Growing up all I really wanted was to be a mommy. And I have found that being a mom to my two sons has been the MOST rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. I live for those two little boys- I love my husband too of course :) but both of our main goals are to give our two little men the best lives possible. To feel loved and valued and to know they have our unconditional and unwaivering support for their entire lives. I love being a mommy and if I could go back in life I would change nothing because all the ups and downs have gotten me to where I am today and I am truely happy and content. When I was pregnant with son #2 my husband and I talked about whether he should get "cut" after and I asked him to wait just in case I wanted to try again later for a girl. And I guess right now it has become the time for Why Not? Why not have another child? We are relentlessly in love with the two we have and one more could only multiply our happiness. We held off because of my husband getting out of the military. We knew it might be awhile before he got a new job. But we did all the responsible things- had a ton in savings, did not overextend, had plans A through Z of how we would make it as a family. And we we fortunate- our hard work, saving, doing without and planning paid off and everything has fallen into place. We are in a better place than we imagined we could be in. So then came the why not have one more then. There is no reason for us not to unless we don't want to - and we do- we do want another child. My age makes it smarter to try now than later so we are going for it. And no it does not have to be a girl. I would love another child no matter which sex. I know that and if I had any doubt I would not being trying this. But...I am honest and can admit that if I had the choice and could pick boy or girl - I would like to have a daughter this time around. I would probably have said the same during my second pregnancy but I am SO happy #2 was a he because the boys are so close in age and best best buddies. But...again this time I would chose a daughter if I could. It first came up when I told my girlfriends we might try again for a girl. They said are you going to spin sperm and I had no idea what they were talking about. But when we decided we would try I looked it up. Which led me to thinking it is too pricey and I am not sure how I feel about it ethically (yes I had doubts). So then I started researching books on how to get the gender you want (the shettles method, chinese calendar, postions, etc) and found a book review saying before buying any books you should go read the in-gender forum. So I did. And I read and read and was amazed. And the idea of trying to achieve having a girl by swaying the odds on my own- it just sounded cooler and cooler until I was totally on board with the idea. Why not try to improve my odds of having the gender of my choice? I'd be thrilled with any healthy baby...but if I can try to sway....Why Not?
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